No, Adoptees are NOT Doomed to live their life in struggle, pain and
trauma. Let me explain how it might FEEL
that way, though.
The Self-Conscious (or the Authentic Architect) part of us doesn’t WANT a
stagnant, painful life. We came here to
experience the FULL Range of Human emotions, experiences and
circumstances. The Architect created plans
for us to have a happy ending, financial success, love and appreciation of
family and friends, and to know our life has purpose.
The Architect creates the blueprint and the plan of enjoying a Human Experience,
even if sometimes there is pain, for that increases our capacity to feel
joy. But the Architect doesn’t plan for
us to have an experience of prolonged pain and suffering.
So, when an Adoptee finds themselves mired in the pain and trauma of
their relinquishment, this creates a huge “problem”.
The Controlling Contractor
This “problem” is with the Unconscious part of us, or The Contractor,
which coordinates the “build”, which in this case is our LIFE. The Contractor’s primary responsibility is to
keep us safe and provide experiences which we have “already survived.
Regardless of how PAINFUL something is…If we have survived it, the Contractor
has become familiar with it, and believes that this is how the “world works”
and what will keep us SAFE. Therefore, it aligns us with people, places and experiences which mirror
those earliest experiences in an attempt to keep us alive.
It recreates that “primal wound” over and over
because it knows you can survive it… But that’s not “LIVING”.
The Contractor, being a “bigger and stronger” part of us, ignores the
blueprint the Architect has designed, and is now working solely from what is
right in front of it…
It takes over the building process and doesn’t tell the
Architect about the changes it is making.
Even when the Architect keeps showing the Contractor the blueprint, the Contractor keeps ignoring it and taking its
own path. This is called “DEFAULT”
living. The Contractor defaults to its
own agenda.
Most people have NO IDEA this is how the Unconscious part of you
Works!
The Struggle Between the Architect and the Contractor
Because Adoption creates such deep pain so early in life, and we didn’t
die from it, the Unconscious / Contractor part of us seeks to replicate
experiences which we have survived.
The Contractor wants balance, harmony, stability
and works in tandem with the Sub-conscious aspect which runs all our body
functions like our heart beating, breathing and digestion automatically. We are “alive” but not “living” as we were
designed to.
The Self-Conscious / Architect begins to become aware of what the
Contractor is doing as you get older and doesn’t like the way the Contractor is
building the Life.
The Architect wants to feel
good, to create positive and happy experiences. Yet this is NOT what an Adoptee is
experiencing. It WANTS to get the
Contractor on board with the beautiful blueprint it designed, but now feels
lost in how to do that. The Desire of Happiness
keeps getting overridden by the Default of Safety.
The struggle between the two can feel exhausting. Hence, the feelings of “non-existence”
creeping in…. The Architect is tired,
and wants to stop feelings this deep struggle, so perhaps had we never come to
this human experience would have been better…
Bringing Balance to the Builder
What the Builder wants just as much as Safety is Balance. It too feels the struggle with the Architect,
and the more the “blueprint” is presented, the harder the Builder pushes for
Safety.
In order for the Architect to get the Builder on Board, it needs to
create a new experience of Safety, so it can release the Pain of the Past experiences,
bring the Wisdom gained from it forward, and apply it into the Blueprint of living
a happy and healthy life.
The Architect can begin to draw up a plan for showing the Builder how to love
both self and others from a place of inner power, set boundaries, embrace mistakes,
and create new experiences of peace, joy and purpose. This plan creates a new sense of meaning to
the life we experience as an Adopted Person which the Builder can coordinate
and assemble all the cooperative components with.
However, most Adopted People need help and support with this. The Builder is quite set in its ways and
doesn’t want to change that easily. Re-read
the blog Planning
Your Emotional Master Journey to choose the Support Level that is right for
you.
This Journey of being an Adopted Person is quite extraordinary in every sense of the word. We get to see life through an intense and focused lens which most people don't.
We have the opportunity to GROW in deeper ways than those who are Kept. We have been given strength beyond measure.
My hope for you is that you will come to KNOW these things, feel them in your Core, and Recognize your Power, and Grow it. This is WHY I write, why I share these things, to give you the knowledge, the tools and the pathways to become ALL you were meant to be.
Keep reading.. Keep Sharing... MORE is coming very soon!
I’m starting a New Series next time – Focusing on the WORDS we use and
their Impact on the Energy and Direction of our lives.
AND...A new and exciting opportunity awaits you the next time I publish... See you soon!
