Some Adoptees Feel They Wish They Were Never Born

Jun 30 / Kat Linquist
A Somewhat Common but Silent Struggle

Sadly, I've encountered this theme more often than I could have imagined.

Many Adoptees, while not necessarily in a "self-harm" mode, struggle with a lack of personal and spiritual purpose.

They often find it difficult to understand why they are living a life rooted in trauma and pain.

This isn't just a fleeting thought; it's a profound feeling that can cast a long shadow over their existence and daily life experience. 

But WHY do some Adoptees feel this way?

When an Adoptee is living in lower vibrational energy, life can feel devoid of purpose. It's like barely surviving, living as a "dead person walking" scenario.

I've had deep experience with this feeling myself, and it's a heavy burden to carry.

From these lower emotional energy levels, it's hard to see or feel a reason for being here. The focus is on the pain the Adoptee experiences, a pattern developed in the Unconscious Mind from the adoption experience directly.

It's not your fault, and it makes perfect sense why this feeling of wishing one didn't exist persists.

Seeing Your Adoption Experience as Part of Your Purpose

What if… Your adoption experience is actually part of your purpose for being here?

This radical perspective can transform how you view your life. As the Authentic Architect, Adoptees are able to CREATE the life they want, through personal growth and transformation.

While the feeling of wishing “non-existence” might seem like a way to mask or explain the depth of the pain Adoptees experience, resisting or pushing against this pain only makes it bigger and heavier.

Embracing your Adoption experience, rather than resisting it, can open the door to profound personal growth. Yet many people have a hard time accepting that painful experiences can have a positive purpose.

Pain as Part of Being Human

When pain and adverse experiences are seen as contrasts to the positive aspects of life, the wider the gap between pain and joy, the greater your emotional capacity and range. In other words… you FEEL MORE!

This contrast allows you to experience the full spectrum of human emotions, making the moments of joy even more meaningful. For someone in a deep experience of trauma to do this, a profound shift of internalized perspective about life, purpose and the Universe needs to take place.

I have done this. I know other Adoptees who have done this. It’s not impossible. You can do it too.

Pain is an inherent part of being human. We all experienced physical growing pains in our bodies as we got bigger, yet we often resist the emotional pain of growth and transformation for the energetic part of who we are.

Understanding that emotional pain serves a purpose as part of our human emotional and energetic growth can help Adoptees navigate these challenging feelings.

The Movie of Life

When you go to the Movies, you know that there is a structure to the experience.  You sit in your own seat, in a dark room, which immerses you in the sights and sounds of the story.  You “suspend reality” and allow yourself to be taken in by the experience.  

If the story is too predictable, or there is not enough "action" or "twists and turns" you leave feeling unsatisfied and disappointed. 

The Movie is supposed to take you on the “Ride”, to show you the highs and lows of the characters, the growth, the breakdowns, the breakthroughs, the pain and joy. 
You WANT to be surprised, to have a bit of uncertainty, and to know that in the end, things will work out. 

Imagine you’re watching a movie about a prizefighter… they are in the fight of their life!  The opponent is strong, and our “hero” is down on the floor, bleeding, bruised, and battered; struggling to get up. People watching the fight are jeering and throwing insults at the "hero" because they are "down for the count" or so you think...

How much do you root for them to get back up and win the fight? Are you feeling anxious they won't get up?  What if they lose?  How will the story end?
Then, they summon their deep inner courage and resolve, get back up and win the fight!  You feel that sense of triumph along with the character!  Perhaps you cheer, get teary, or smile.  The emotional ride is REAL!

An Adoptee’s experience can feel like that Prizefighter’s…like they’ve been knocked down, feeling battered and bloodied, drained of their energy and sense of purpose.  They have people verbally beating them down, reinforcing those feelings of "not enough".

Only they opt to stay on the mat, and not get up again.  And the reason?

It feels SAFE. 

Safe to stay down, to accept the abuse, to listen to the crowd,  to follow the Inner Narrative...

Wait, WHAT?

The Unconscious Creates Safety… but not how you THINK it does!

Look for my Next Blog – Safety Over Comfort, the Controlling Contractor vs. the Authentic Architect

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