Gaining Emotional Mastery as you Come Out of the F.O.G.

Apr 28 / Kat Linquist
In life, Adopted People are often traversing through the FOG – Fear, Obligation, and Guilt – three powerful emotions that can entangle you in unhealthy patterns of behavior and prevent you from living authentically.

Whether it's the fear of disappointing others, the obligation to conform to societal norms, or the guilt of asserting your boundaries, these emotions can keep you trapped in a cycle of self-doubt and indecision.

Yet, as you embark on the journey of self-discovery and authenticity, you can emerge from this FOG, gaining clarity and emotional mastery along the way. 

It’s not a linear road, there can be many side journeys, detours or even setbacks.  The main thing is to keep focused on Moving Beyond Adoption and into creating your life with Peace, Love, and Alignment, regardless of how the journey unfolds.

Here are some aspects to consider on your journey as you break free of the FOG and move towards emotional mastery:

Self-Awareness: The first step towards gaining emotional mastery is developing self-awareness.  

Learning to recognize what triggers your fear, obligation, or guilt helps you to understand how they relate to your Adoption Narrative.  Can you see how these emotions manifest in your daily life?  Taking the time to reflect on your thoughts, feelings, and behavioral patterns through journaling or mindfulness practices can help you gain insight into your inner landscape. 

Self-Awareness comes in stages, and it is helpful to not rush into “FIXING Mode” when you notice things from your new perspective.  Just notice, allow things to be and unfold as they do.  Become aware and notice without jumping to Fix or Change what you see in the beginning. 

Shifting and transforming these comes later. For now, just notice.

Creating YOUR Values and Beliefs:  After you have done some internal reflection and exploration, it’s time to CHOOSE what values and beliefs you want as the framework of your life.  People don’t realize that most of the values and beliefs you hold were given to you by the family you were raised in, family patterns passed down through DNA, and the society and culture you lived in as a young person. 

Adoptees may have added layers of values and beliefs to sort through, yet this is a wonderful opportunity to express your Authenticity and Agency for creating your own life moving forward.

Setting boundaries: Boundaries are essential for maintaining healthy relationships and protecting your emotional well-being. Identify your limits and communicate them assertively but compassionately.

Remember that setting boundaries is not selfish – it's an act of self-care and self-respect.  When you set a boundary, it is phrased as “this is my threshold”, not “I’ll do this if you do that.” 

For example – “I need communication to be calm, honest, and constructive.  If someone gets too heated, I will stop the conversation and leave the room for 30 minutes to calm down or allow others to calm down before resuming the discussion”.

Cultivating self-love and compassion: Be gentle with yourself as you navigate the complexities of your emotions. Practice self-love and compassion by offering yourself kindness, understanding, and forgiveness.

Treat yourself with the same empathy and compassion you would extend to a loved one or friend in need.  This is a “big topic” and can feel overwhelming to begin practicing self-love.  I have resources to help with this.

Challenging negative beliefs: The FOG often thrives on negative beliefs about yourself and your worth. Challenge these beliefs by examining the evidence that supports them and replacing them with more empowering narratives.

Affirmations, journaling, adoptee coaching, and reframing exercises can help shift your perspective.  Keep reading my Blogs for help with this!

Embracing uncertainty: Life is inherently uncertain, and learning to embrace the unknown is an essential part of gaining emotional mastery. Instead of resisting change or clinging to certainty, practice surrendering to the flow of life and trusting in your ability to adapt and grow.

Cultivating resilience: Building emotional mastery is a lifelong journey filled with ups and downs. Cultivate resilience by developing coping skills, practicing gratitude, and finding meaning in adversity.

Remember that “setbacks” are opportunities for learning and growth.  Soon there will be more Ups than Downs!

As you embark on the journey of gaining emotional mastery and emerging from the FOG, be patient with yourself. Transformation and growth are not linear, and there will be times when you feel lost or overwhelmed. Trust in your inner wisdom and know that clarity and emotional freedom await on the other side of the FOG.

Having a trusted guide or coach who has been through these processes and can provide you with a compassionate and supportive structure can make your journey easier and more enjoyable.  These are BIG topics and it can feel overwhelming to know where to begin, or how to navigate the journey.

Breaking free from the FOG requires courage, introspection, and a willingness to confront uncomfortable truths. It's about reclaiming your agency, honoring your feelings, and embracing vulnerability as a catalyst for growth.

I know you can do this!!  I’m here to help and guide you.

Next blog begins a new Month and New Topic:  Emotional Mastery!  Look for: 

Emotional Mastery is a Revolutionary Pathway to Release Adoption Trauma

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