Self-Awareness: The first step towards gaining
emotional mastery is developing self-awareness.
Learning to recognize what triggers your fear,
obligation, or guilt helps you to understand how they relate to your Adoption
Narrative. Can you see how these
emotions manifest in your daily life? Taking
the time to reflect on your thoughts, feelings, and behavioral patterns through
journaling or mindfulness practices can help you gain insight into your inner
landscape.
Self-Awareness comes in
stages, and it is helpful to not rush into “FIXING Mode” when you notice things
from your new perspective. Just notice,
allow things to be and unfold as they do. Become aware and notice without
jumping to Fix or Change what you see in the beginning.
Shifting and transforming these comes later. For now, just notice.
Creating
YOUR Values and Beliefs: After you have done some internal
reflection and exploration, it’s time to CHOOSE what values and beliefs you
want as the framework of your life.
People don’t realize that most of the values and beliefs you hold were
given to you by the family you were raised in, family patterns passed down through DNA, and the society and culture you
lived in as a young person.
Adoptees may
have added layers of values and beliefs to sort through, yet this is a
wonderful opportunity to express your Authenticity and Agency for creating your
own life moving forward.
Setting
boundaries:
Boundaries are essential for maintaining healthy relationships and protecting
your emotional well-being. Identify your limits and communicate them
assertively but compassionately.
Remember that setting boundaries is not
selfish – it's an act of self-care and self-respect. When you set a boundary, it is phrased as “this
is my threshold”, not “I’ll do this if you do that.”
For example – “I need communication to be calm,
honest, and constructive. If someone
gets too heated, I will stop the conversation and leave the room for 30 minutes
to calm down or allow others to calm down before resuming the discussion”.
Cultivating
self-love and compassion: Be gentle with yourself as you navigate the complexities of your
emotions. Practice self-love and compassion by offering yourself kindness,
understanding, and forgiveness.
Treat yourself with the same empathy and
compassion you would extend to a loved one or friend in need. This is a “big topic” and can feel
overwhelming to begin practicing self-love.
I have resources to help with this.
Challenging
negative beliefs:
The FOG often thrives on negative beliefs about yourself and your worth.
Challenge these beliefs by examining the evidence that supports them and
replacing them with more empowering narratives.
Affirmations, journaling, adoptee
coaching, and reframing exercises can help shift your perspective. Keep reading my Blogs for help with this!
Embracing
uncertainty: Life is
inherently uncertain, and learning to embrace the unknown is an essential part
of gaining emotional mastery. Instead of resisting change or clinging to
certainty, practice surrendering to the flow of life and trusting in your
ability to adapt and grow.
Cultivating
resilience: Building
emotional mastery is a lifelong journey filled with ups and downs. Cultivate
resilience by developing coping skills, practicing gratitude, and finding
meaning in adversity.
Remember that “setbacks” are opportunities for learning
and growth. Soon there will be more Ups
than Downs!
As you
embark on the journey of gaining emotional mastery and emerging from the FOG,
be patient with yourself. Transformation and growth are not linear, and there
will be times when you feel lost or overwhelmed. Trust in your inner wisdom and
know that clarity and emotional freedom await on the other side of the FOG.
Having a
trusted guide or coach who has been through these processes and can provide you
with a compassionate and supportive structure can make your journey easier and
more enjoyable. These are BIG topics and
it can feel overwhelming to know where to begin, or how to navigate the
journey.
Breaking
free from the FOG requires courage, introspection, and a willingness to
confront uncomfortable truths. It's about reclaiming your agency, honoring your
feelings, and embracing vulnerability as a catalyst for growth.
I know you
can do this!! I’m here to help and guide
you.
Next blog begins a new Month and New Topic: Emotional Mastery! Look for:
Emotional Mastery is a Revolutionary Pathway to Release Adoption Trauma
