Another common mistake adoptees make is allowing your emotions to become the driver and defining factor as you come out of the FOG.

Growing up in the fog often entails burying feelings of loss, confusion, anger, and grief in an attempt to assimilate into your Adoptive family or avoid rocking the boat and creating pain or discomfort for others.

These buried emotions becomes the driver of People Pleasing and Considering yourself Last, or Not at All.

Yet once you come out of the FOG, your emotions may take a wild rollercoaster ride, as you are now able to begin feeling and expressing all these suppressed and bottled up emotions. 

It’s also very easy to get “stuck” in the feelings of anger, frustration and overwhelm and allow these feelings to drive your thoughts and actions, as you grapple with where your power really lies.  

How to Avoid: Allow yourself to feel. Acknowledge and validate your emotions, even the uncomfortable ones.

Journaling, art therapy, or mindfulness practices can provide a safe outlet for expressing and processing your feelings.  

Watching sad movies or listening to music can help you release deeply held emotions which have trouble being released in a conscious way.  The movie Fan Boys always helps me release grief…

Become aware of your feelings and notice when you are having “automatic” reactions to things, or “getting triggered”.  These emotions generally indicate a trauma that is being activated and flooding your body with its practiced response.

When you notice this kind of reaction, stop, take a deep breath, hold it for 5 seconds and slowly release it.  Do this 3 times. 

Then ask yourself - what do you want to feel about this situation or how can you respond from a place of self-love and clarity, rather than react from the FOG.

Many adoptees struggle with seeking validation and acceptance from external sources such as their biological parents, adoptive parents, or society at large.

This quest for validation can become a relentless pursuit, leading to feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt when expectations aren't met. 

This was ME, most of my life.  Always looking outside myself for love, acceptance, and validation to the point of accepting highly toxic and abusive behavior from my husband - for 25 years!  

When you rely on something or someone outside you to make you feel loved, valued, and accepted, you will most likely not have your expectations met.

You are putting your happiness and peace in the hands of someone else.  You’ve given away your power.  And in the wrong hands, you can experience some pretty ugly stuff.

How to Avoid: Shift the focus inward. Instead of seeking validation from external sources, cultivate self-love, self-acceptance, and self-validation. Practice self-compassion and affirm your worthiness independent of others' opinions.  

For Adoptees, this can feel particularly challenging, so finding an Adoptee coach, guide, “teacher” or mentor who has been through this process and can support you along your journey is highly recommended.

By growing into your Personal Power, you can liberate yourself from the cycle of seeking external validation and embrace your authentic self.  

Emerging from the fog as an adoptee is a profound and transformative journey.

By avoiding these common mistakes and embracing patience, emotional authenticity, and support, you can navigate the complexities of your adoption experience with resilience and grace.

Remember, growth is not linear, and every step forward, no matter how small, is a testament to your strength and resilience. You deserve to reclaim your truth and find peace as you Move Beyond Adoption.

Look for my next Blog and the Last in the Coming Out of the FOG Series:  Gaining Emotional Mastery as you Come Out of the FOG.