Breaking Free: Coming Out of the F.O.G. and Embracing Agency as an Adult Adoptee

Apr 21 / Kat Linquist
Coming Out of the FOG is a transformative process that involves shedding the veil of Fear, Obligation, and Guilt that clouds your judgment and your sense of agency, particularly in the context of manipulative or abusive relationships.

For adult adoptees, these emotions may be deeply intertwined with your adoption journey, shaping your perceptions of self and others.

When I first was Coming Out of the FOG, after walking away from my 25-year abusive marriage, I felt very victimized and critical of those who had hurt me throughout my life.

I didn’t realize it at the time, but my Adoption Traumas and Woundings, which I had NO Control over or Choice in, increased the pain and suffering I experienced in my abusive marriage and the rejection and abandonment I felt in it. 
Coming Out of the FOG helped me see how my Adoption Trauma paved the way for accepting relationships which mirrored and reflected what I felt inside. 

It took some time for me to work through that pain, which was in part because I had given away my power to someone who ultimately didn’t love and care for me the way I deserve to be loved and cared for. 

I came to understand that while I am not responsible for the WAY I was treated, I am responsible for accepting it, regardless of my Past Traumas and Woundings. 

This was a HUGE turning point in my adult agency development and my emotional freedom.

As you navigate your journey of self-discovery and empowerment, embracing agency becomes paramount. This entails recognizing the power YOU possess to shape your own narrative and forge your own path forward.

Your PAST does NOT
Determine Your FUTURE.

However, amidst this process, misconceptions around victim blaming and taking responsibility can muddy the waters. In the discourse surrounding adult adoptees, there exists a delicate balance between acknowledging the impact of past experiences and reclaiming agency in the present.

Unfortunately, this balance can sometimes be misconstrued, leading to the false equivalence of victim blaming with taking responsibility.

Victim blaming, rooted in societal attitudes and misconceptions, unfairly places the burden of responsibility on the adoptee for circumstances beyond their control.

Even sentiments which suggest that because Adoptees are victims of circumstance and now as adults must live as victims can invalidate the complexities of your adoptee experience and undermine the agency of adult adoptees in creating the life you desire and deserve.

Conversely, taking responsibility as an adult adoptee involves owning one's choices, actions, and growth while acknowledging the impact of past experiences.

It is not about accepting blame for circumstances beyond one's control but rather embracing agency in the face of adversity, moving forward.

This distinction is crucial in empowering adult adoptees to navigate their journey with authenticity and resilience.

Breaking free from the FOG, embracing your agency, and addressing misconceptions around victim blaming and taking responsibility are integral parts of your adoptee experience.

Learning to navigate your journey with authenticity, resilience, and self-compassion, adult adoptees can help you create and live a fulfilling life rooted in Empowerment, Peace, Love and Alignment.

Look for my next BLOG… 3 Biggest Mistakes Adoptees Make when Coming Out of the FOG, and How to Avoid Them!
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