Will coming out of the F.O.G. help me find and connect with my birth family?

Apr 11 / Kat Linquist

Embarking on the journey to find your birth family can be both exhilarating and daunting.

For many Adoptees or individuals separated from their biological families, the desire to reconnect and discover one's roots is a deeply personal and meaningful quest.

However, this journey often comes with its own set of challenges and uncertainties, leaving many wondering:

Will coming out of the FOG (Fear, Obligation, and Guilt) help me find my birth family?

Understanding the FOG is crucial in navigating the complexities of searching for your birth family.

, often stemming from the unknown or the fear of additional rejection or abandonment, can hold you back from taking the necessary steps to initiate a search.

Obligation may arise from feelings of loyalty towards your adoptive family or a sense of duty to maintain the status quo for other family members including spouse and children.

Guilt, whether imposed by societal norms, adoptive or other family members, or internalized emotions, can create barriers to pursuing your own truth and identity.

Coming out of the FOG involves acknowledging and accepting these emotions and their impact on the search process. It requires a willingness to face uncertainties and embrace the possibility of both positive and challenging outcomes.  This is why PREPARING for your search is so important.

By freeing yourself from the grip of fear, obligation, and guilt, you can embark on your journey with clarity, determination, and authenticity. It is important to approach your biological discovery and possible reunion with caution and realistic expectations.

When you are unprepared or underprepared for the realities of your biological discovery and reunion, you risk experiencing more trauma of rejection and abandonment.  Having a strong and stable foundation of self love and groundedness about who you really are – a spiritual being having a human experience – you can be better prepared for whatever the outcome of your search.

When I was preparing for my biological discovery and reunion, I asked myself a lot of questions, took time to process and figure out what outcomes I was emotionally and energetically prepared for, and decided how I would move forward with whatever happens. 

This was so incredibly helpful and allowed me to flow organically with the connections I made with my biological family so that over time I have been able to build strong and healthy relationships with both sides of my DNA Lineage. 

This may not be your experience, and like many others you may find your biological family unwilling or incapable of having a relationship with you.  Preparing for this outcome emotionally and energetically will help you to create as successful an outcome for yourself, regardless of happens. 

Ultimately, coming out of the FOG is not just about finding your birth family; it's about reclaiming your identity, embracing your truth, and honoring the complexities of your journey.  You have an opportunity to find and embrace Who you REALLY Are, both a Physical and Spiritual Being.

It's about recognizing that the search for connection and belonging is a fundamental human need, deserving of courage, compassion, and resilience.  You are learning how to structure your life to create connection and belonging.  It is your CHOICE and not determined by your Biology.

So, will coming out of the FOG help you find your birth family?

In many ways, yes. By freeing yourself from the shackles of fear, obligation, and guilt, you empower yourself to embark on a journey of self-discovery and connection.

Whether you ultimately find your birth family or not, the process itself will be transformative, offering healing, closure, and a deeper understanding of who you are and where you come from.  
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