5 Biggest Challenges (or Opportunities) Adoptees Face When Coming Out of the F.O.G.

Apr 4 / Kat Linquist
When adoptees come out of the FOG (fear, obligation, and guilt), they often encounter several significant challenges. These “challenges” are also “opportunities” to begin living your life BY and FOR Yourself, rather than from the “Auto-Pilot / Default Perspective” mainstream Adoption has given you.

Any time you make significant changes to your life, there is discomfort and a strong “pull” to keep you living in the “status quo”. This is due to the momentum of what you have been living.

Think of your life like a train that left the station long ago and has been building up speed throughout the years. You can’t just suddenly STOP the Train and Change Tracks… You WILL De-Rail and Chaos Will Ensue.

A better option is to approach Changing Tracks AFTER slowing down the momentum, by educating yourself about Coming out of the FOG, and allowing yourself to become “acquainted” with thinking differently.
For Adoptees who are Coming out of the FOG and truly wanting to Create a different life for themselves, let’s embrace the following “Challenges and Opportunities” to help you grow and Move Beyond Adoption.

1. Identity Changes:

Adopted People already struggle with profound identity issues as you grapple with questions surrounding your origins, heritage, and sense of belonging.

Coming out of the FOG requires you to confront your complex identity issues by establishing a New sense of SELF, including learning how to love and respect yourself as not just your “Physical Self”, but also your “Divine Self”.

2. Emotional Confusion:

The process of coming out of the FOG can evoke a wide range of conflicting emotions, including grief, anger, sadness, and relief. Adopted People may find it challenging to navigate these emotions, especially when you involve complex relationships with both adoptive and birth families.

One of the most important aspects of this is to understand you CAN create Emotional Mastery and let go of allowing your Emotions to dictate your life.

3. Navigating Relationships:

Adopted People often face difficulties in navigating relationships with your adoptive parents, birth parents, siblings, and extended family members. Balancing emotions and connections, while creating and maintaining healthy boundaries can be a challenge during the journey out of the FOG.

You may find yourself significantly changing your relationships or possibly ending relationships as you begin to see them with a different level of clarity and perspective. It’s time to take care of YOU, and engage in relationships which support, nurture, and build you up.

4. Search for Identity and Roots:

Many adopted people feel a strong urge to search for your biological roots and uncover your ancestral heritage. However, this journey can be emotionally and psychologically taxing, involving potential rejections, unanswered questions, and unexpected revelations. 

The search for identity and roots can present significant challenges during the process of coming out of the FOG, especially if you are unprepared emotionally and energetically.

5. Internalized Stigma and Shame:

Adopted People may come to realize the internalized societal stigmas and stereotypes you were taught, which created feelings of shame or inadequacy about “who you are” during your life.

Releasing these internalized beliefs and embracing yourself as a Powerful Creative Being can feel either like a daunting challenge or a thrilling opportunity for adoptees emerging from the FOG.

Are you READY to Move Beyond Adoption?

Addressing these challenges requires support, self-reflection, and you may seek assistance and guidance in the form of Coaching, Counseling, or Therapeutic Practices.  Adoptees may find community through peer support groups and connections with others who share similar experiences.

For some, you might feel it was easier when you weren’t aware of the FOG and lived in a state of unawareness. And to some extent, that can be true.

Opening up to the truth and becoming aware of your adoption experience from a new sense of clarity and perspective can feel challenging, yet there is SO MUCH Opportunity for you to take back your Power, release the Pain, and create the Peace you deserve to have.  

Personally, my life is so much easier and peaceful now, as I am living from a place of being Authentic and Powerful in how I think, feel, and act rather than living from a place of Default experience.

By embracing these challenges as Opportunities, Adopted People can emerge from the FOG and cultivate a stronger sense of Peace, Love, and Alignment with who you Really Are.

Look for my next Blog: How does coming out of the FOG Benefit me?

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