One of the deepest feelings Adopted People struggle with is
a feeling of being “Broken”.
For most of my life, I felt Broken, even if I didn’t have the words to express it.
Believing I was a Broken person, who didn’t deserve to be treated well, I stayed for years in a toxic abusive marriage.
I was told I wasn’t capable of creating my
own entrepreneurial pathway so I struggled in jobs where I would sabotage myself and be fired,
or quit.
It was so hard to live up to the “Expectations” of others… “She
had so much potential….just don’t know what happened.” This was how I felt!
The worst was when I finally left my toxic and abusive
marriage, needing to “WALK AWAY” which nearly ended my relationship with my
child…
The feeling of despair that I had Abandoned my OWN Child to "save myself" was one of
my lowest points.
So, Where Does Feeling Broken Really Come From?
Something I have discovered along my Self Love and
Transformation journey is that TRAUMA is not what happens TO you.
Everyone has adverse life experiences,
whether a severe accident or intentionally perpetrated actions which harm you. We all have had many things happen to us
which we did not wish or cause to happen.
TRAUMA is what happens INSIDE because of what happened to you.
Inside is where we create
beliefs, stories, blocks, barriers, perspectives, and physical and emotional reactions
to those adverse experiences over and over, as if each time it is thought about
or the memory is triggered, it is happening RIGHT THEN.
The Mind and Body respond as if the experience is in the Present, not the PAST.
When an infant or young child is separated from their mother
(and biological family), they FEEL the PAIN of that separation, but have no
words to describe it.
No way to “logically”
think it through or understand what is happening. It is felt at the deep Unconscious or
Subconscious level, which communicates in emotions.
This Unconscious aspect tries to “make sense” of the pain,
recognizing the separation, and subsequent "new environment".
So, the Unconscious sets
up beliefs and patterns which say, “I must not be worthy of primary mother love, of belonging,
and there must be something wrong with me – I am broken”, because this is what the PAIN FEELS LIKE.
With these beliefs and patterns ingrained into your very
being from the start, an Adoptee struggles in various parts of life such as
emotional connections and relationships, and feelings of self-love and self-worth.
Shifting the Perspective from
Outside to Inside
I was an infant when I was Adopted . I didn’t have any choice in the situation. I CAN’T CHANGE what happened back then. These are the FACTS.
IF I Believe that Adoption “Broke Me”, I have no
control over my Brokenness, and I have no HOPE that it will ever change…THEN
I am Destined to SUFFER with this feeling for the rest of my life.
This is how it feels when Trauma happens TO YOU.
IF I Believe that my feelings of Brokenness are a
result of my Unconscious trying to resolve my Pain of Separation, to keep me
safe, and to create a “structure of life” which I can survive… THEN I have ability
to CHANGE these Feelings.
When I shift the Perspective of Trauma from Outside to
Inside… it gives me back my POWER, and puts the responsibility of my life BACK
in my hands.
Something Adoptees want more of is the ability to CONTROL and
CREATE their own life, but they feel this is impossible because the Perspective
of Trauma is place outside themselves, where they have no Power, no Control, and ultimately... no HOPE.
Taking Back The Power
I learned early in my Self-Love
Journey that “When you Change the Way you Look at Things, the Things you Look
at, Change”.
This helped me begin to see how
things in Life were happening FOR ME, not TO ME, and even the painful life I had lead for most of life had a
purpose… I just had to find it.
With this new perspective, I
started living life for ME, and in time, everything started turning
around.
I was able to create a positive
and reconnected relationship with my child, I love working on my own and
creating purpose and service for others, I am currently “romantically” single
for the first time in my adult life and loving myself in deeper and deeper ways, and
life keeps getting better and better.
I am NOT Broken. Adoption Didn’t Break Me. I am Powerful. And YOU are too!
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My True Nature and Purpose is to be “a teacher, a guide, a coach” and to share my life story of Trauma to Triumph and help others create their own.
While I love sharing my wisdom and knowledge to help you Move Beyond Adoption, I am shifting the Blog schedule to once a week
as I prepare to launch my upcoming Free Workshop:
From FOG to Freedom: 3
Strategies for Letting Go of Fear, Obligation, and Guilt!
Keeping Moving Beyond Adoption and More information is to come soon!
